Stress induced ramblings

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I am twenty-two twenty-three years old.

I am too young to feel stressed out all of the time.

In addition to working 40 hours a week in a high stress environment (retention call center)

I do overnight daycare about 44 hours a week for a really good friend of mine.

But to be honest, I'm really starting to hate it.

Not that I hate her. Or her kids.

But I hate how much my life is revolving around her schedule.

I can't go out.

I can't make plans.

I can't do anything without working around her schedule.

I'm even having to work the kids' schedule around her.

This week for example. 

Tuesday was my birthday.

I asked her for at least 3 weeks beforehand to find a backup for the night.

It was my birthday, and I wanted to make some plans with friends.

She waits until the last minute,

Tuesday, at 8:30 (when I usually get the kids around 9:30)

To tell me she couldn't find anyone.

And then at nine she tells me she called in

because the kids were sick and she wanted me to have the night off.

My sister just brought up a semi-impromtu trip to go see our older sisters

Tonight and tomorrow night.

And because of her schedule,

I can't go.

And my baby sister is pleading with me,

almost begging

for me to tell her to find someone else to watch them

That I need a couple of days off.

Because I rarely see my little sister lately.

And almost never get to see my older sisters.

My baby sister just really wants some sister bonding time.

I can't handle being tied down.

Especially not by someone else's responsibilities.

I can't keep doing this.

But then what is she going to do.

The reason I offered to do it in the first place

[other than needing the money to help us out]

was because she had no one else that could do it.

I'm racked with so much guilt right now.

Feeling torn.

If I continue to do this, it's going to make me unhappy.

If I don't continue, I feel like she is going to be screwed over.

Neither of those options work for me.

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